The experiences of children in their growing up phase are a key factor in building their personalities. The question is which experiences are useful and which are less useful for building a good personality? In my opinion during the infancy it’s important that the children experience good things as well as bad things. This means that the communication between parent and children should be as fluent as possible, and they might let them to experience almost all kind of situations.Children should learn by life experience not just by their parent´s speech. That is valid for good as well as bad experiences. Children should learn by doing. For example a child will never believe his parents, if they say: “Don’t go down this steeply hill by bike, it’s too dangerous.” But if the child goes down this hill by bike and it falls down and gets some abrasions, then it will always remind that some things are just too dangerous. Off course this kind of education is not always practicable. For example you can’t let a child try drugs only that it experiences how bad drugs are. But for more or less common situations it’s a practicable way of education.
Also it’s probably a better way not to make such strength forbids towards your children. As I said before, children should learn by doing. So in my opinion for example you should not make children instructions when they have to go to bed. The first times they probably go to bed very late, but after a few days, they will notice that it’s probably not the best for them to sleep less and they will change their behavior by their own.
All above mentioned ideas should be applied in the right measure, extreme poles wouldn’t work.
Your text is focused and to the point. You make a good case and your arguments are consistently balanced.
ReplyDeleteStructure:
You use the classic funnel introduction here, and it works very well. You could try to expand the conclusion a bit more, perhaps. The body in between is well-written but there is something awkward going on the paragraph division. You need a blank line between two paragraphs; you should never simply use a line break as you do after "way of education". We'll talk more about this in class next week.
Language:
Your language is good and your vocabulary is accurate, but I also have some suggestions for you:
-The definite article is never used with uncountable nouns in the generic sense. Hence, you need to say "infancy", not "the infancy" (Introduction).
-If you will allow me to be picky, I would suggest that you avoid using "he", "his" etc when you are talking about someone who could be either male or female (paragraph 2). This is called "the generic he", and we will talk more about it later on in the course.
-Adjectives and adverbs can be tricky. A useful rule of thumb is that adjectives modify/describe nouns. So you need to say "this steep hill" in paragraph 2.
-To "remind" someone is to make someone else remember something. The word you're looking for here is "remember": "it will always remember that some things are just too dangerous" (paragraph 2).
-"Of course" has one f, not two.
-The sentence starting "Also it's probably a better way not to make such strength..." is a bit awkward.
-In English, adjectives can very rarely stand on their own. They normally need the support of a noun. I suggest: "they will notice that it's probably not the best thing for them" at the end of paragraph 2 (3?).
Keep it up!
/Teacher
Your text is well written and you bring up your intentions about the theme. The structure is clear, but the conclusion could be a bit more. I also think, that your text is a little bit sketchy. Maybe you could expose more arguments the next time. But all in all, it is good to understand and you use a broad range of vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteGreetings, Jule